Dear Coronavirus,

We anxiously await your arrival. Do you want us to pick you up at the station, or will you get to our home on your own? 

Are there any particular activities you want us to cancel in advance, or should we just cancel everything once you arrive? 

Regarding food options, do you think chicken broth and warm lemon-honey will get us through your visit, or should I plan something more substantial? I could order a generous supply of Pop-Tarts and Jelly Bellies. 

I have several unread books to read if I can sit up and concentrate on anything other than breathing. Also, I subscribe to Netflix and Apple TV, but not Hulu or Amazon Prime. Yes, I have PBS Passport. Do you think that will offer a sufficient array of viewing options for the duration? I’m pretty sure I’ve got the music covered. 

I got to watch the movie Parasite with a friend yesterday. I highly recommend it as a pre-quarantine movie because the plot was so twisty and the drama so gripping that it will stay with me for the duration. 

You know that our coffee bar will be closed as soon as you get here. Same for the gym and the pool, of course. But we can pace our hallway and try to wear out the carpet in between sipping broth and/or lemon-honey. By the time you’re ready to leave, spring will be well underway and it will be a thrill to get outside again. 

Should the need arise, we have a hospital across the street. Naturally, we hope it won’t come to that, but it’s there if we need it. We hope the nurses and all the other kind people who normally take care of us there are washing their hands hundreds of times a day so they don’t get sick. (I’ve been brushing up on my 20 second hand washing routine also. You know that I got really good at it when I was teaching in a school computer lab – those keyboards were just little petri dishes of germs. I’m hoping my husband gets the hang of it all, too.)

The timing of your visit, in the midst of our election year, couldn’t be more appropriate. I’m guessing that by the time we get a handle on you, we’ll all be in agreement that everyone should have good health insurance. The thought of some of us being covered and some not at this crucial time is just gut-wrenching. You don’t discriminate; the fact that we do just puts us all at increased risk. Dumb.

Well, I’m not sure what else there is to cover. If you know for sure when you’re arriving, it would be nice to have some notice. Otherwise, we’ll see you when you get here, and we hope we’re alive to see you off.

Cheers,
G